The following is meant to shine a light on the emotional ups and downs of business ownership—not to discourage you, but to reassure you that those tough moments are normal and to share ways I’ve found to cope and keep moving forward.
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHINE
Starting a business is often painted as freedom, passion, and success. But what no one tells you is the messy side—the self-doubt, the criticism, and the quiet days when nothing sells.
At first, there’s a spark that fills you with fire and you feel invincible. And then your first real setback happens and all the doubts and insecurities flood in. All of sudden your setbacks feel like a reflection of who you are personally. Allow it sting. Then realize it is not.
Humans evolved to assign personal meaning to everything for survival reasons. This primal narrative pattern just simply does not help you in running a business. Remind yourself that setbacks are not an emotional thing. Liken it to a routine, mundane task that came to your attention.
An example might be you get a large bill you were not expecting. Instead of chastising yourself for not knowing or remembering it, think "Unexpected expenses are just a usual part of doing business and I do not attach meaning about myself to it." Repetition is key to create a new habit or in the words or science, a neural shortcut. Your brains will always take the shortcut.
WHEN NO ONE IS BUYING
There will be times when the shop is still, the inbox is empty, and doubt will whisper sweet nothings to you. The crickets can feel like personal failure. But here's the thing. Every business has dry spells. It is part of the rhythm. Ups and downs. Again, not a reflection of your worth.
It helps to treat those slow days as part of the process rather than a verdict on your work. Instead of rushing to push the feelings away, give yourself a little space to acknowledge the disappointment. Then get back to work. Work and creativity is the best feel better medicine.
Endurance is not about pretending the lows don’t hurt—it’s about standing through them, knowing momentum always returns. And when it does, you’ll be ready to ride it forward.
WHEN FEEDBACK HURTS
First, it needs to be said that growing a thick skin is absolutely necessary to running a business and the only way that happens in through dealing with those people. You know which ones I mean.
Negative feedback stings, especially when you’ve poured yourself into something. But feedback—good or bad—means movement. Silence is the real enemy.
The skill here is learning the difference between constructive criticism and plain meanness. One points the way forward; the other is just noise. The quicker you learn to separate them, the more energy you save for what matters.
When it comes to the meannies, remember, you can't fix toxic. Don’t engage. Any energy you put towards negativity just fuels them on and leads you down a rabbit hole of nastiness. AND! you will never change their mind. Ask me how I know.
Years ago, I lashed out in a comment section to a truly wonderful person—something I regret deeply.The person did not respond to me nor did they block me - I really should have been!
The shame of being that hurtful is what forced me to finally stop and take a hard look at why I had acted that way. At first, it was painful to admit that most of it, no—ALL OF IT—, was my own unhappiness spilling over. I decided to sit in the discomfort of my shame and ask myself hard questions until I understood what was going on with me. Over the next several years that practice—facing my own patterns instead of excusing them—slowly turned me into someone I was no longer ashamed of. I continue to do this as much as I can when the ugly bubbles to the surface. It never goes away but you can certainly learn to manage it.
Here's where the problem is - most people never do that work. So remember, their cruelty has nothing to do with you. It’s about them. Your job is to keep building.
PROTECTING YOUR ENERGY
- Silence is strength. Every time you refuse to feed ugliness, you save fuel for your work.
- Feel it, then let it go. Ignoring a cruel comment doesn’t erase the sting, but it keeps you from carrying it.
- Lean on your people. A trusted circle helps you keep perspective.
- Thick skin grows slowly. Each rough encounter adds to your resilience.
- Lead with compassion. Sometimes seeing cruelty as someone else’s pain helps you keep yours intact.
YOUR DREAM IS WORTH IT
Owning a business will test your heart. It will ask for grit, patience, and sometimes tears. But the lows don’t mean you’re failing—they mean you’re in it. You’re building, learning, enduring. And if you keep showing up, even in the messy moments, one day you’ll look back and realize those un-fun parts shaped you into someone strong enough to carry the dream.
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